


Anyway, how’s your sex life?

by VeraBAdler



Series: April 2019 challenges [15]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 11:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18475516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeraBAdler/pseuds/VeraBAdler
Summary: Movie night in the Dean Cave takes a surreal turn when Dean shows CasThe Room.Prompt: Movie night





	Anyway, how’s your sex life?

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't seen _The Room_ , which really is the Queen Mother of movies that are so bad they're actually fantastic, then this will only make half-sense to you. If you have any love for that genre, you can [watch the movie in its entirety](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-Nm1FGQ-jA) on YouTube. If you don't have that kind of time, or you have better things to do with the time you have, [this is a pretty good 6 ½ minute précis](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9cB0TjfIkM).

“Okay, Cas, you ready for movie night? I can't wait to watch this one again.” Dean pulled the DVD from his shelves with reverence.

“Oh, what is it? Is it good?”

“Oh, no. God, no. Not at all. No, this movie is _terrible_.”

Cas tilted his head, leveling the hunter with his trademark squint. “I don't understand. Why are we watching it if it's terrible?”

“Well, A, I am ninety-nine percent sure that Metatron never watched this flick, so it'll be an actually new experience for you and not part of the mind dump that douche did on you. And two, this movie is _so bad, it's good_.”

“Dean, that makes no sense.” Cas looked at his friend with concern.

“No, but trust me, buddy: loving movies that are 'so bad, they're good' is a very human experience, and one I'm itchin' to give you. And this?” He displayed the DVD case, which showed a black and white closeup of a very odd man's face. “This is the _Queen Mother_ of bad movies. You're never gonna forget this. Alright?”

“...Alright,” he said with trepidation. “I trust you.”

Dean nodded with satisfaction and popped the disc into the slot below the big screen TV. Light piano music began to play over scenes of San Francisco. They each grabbed a bowl of popcorn and settled back into their recliners to watch.

~~~~~~~

As the movie's credits rolled and a woman once again crooned “You're My Rose,” Dean wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes and turned to his friend.

“So? What did you think? Hilarious, right?”

Cas gifted his friend with an expression of great pain. “Dean...” he began, seeming to struggle to find his next words. He glanced back towards the screen and tried again. “Dean, I don't understand anything about that movie.”

Dean snorted.

“Dean, I'm _serious_. Why were they playing football in tuxedos? Why did the older woman say she had breast cancer, and nobody seemed to care, and they never talked about it again? Why were there framed pictures of silverware all over the place? Why was that man talking about his 'underwears'? Why didn't anyone seem to know the word 'fiancée' exists? Why did the woman in the flower shop say she didn't recognize Johnny when he had his sunglasses on, and then when he took them off she said he was her favorite customer? Why did Johnny and Lisa have the exact same sex scene twice, and why was it so _long_ both times? And _why were you laughing so much_? It wasn't a funny movie! There was infidelity, and cancer, and people with guns, and lying, and Johnny killed himself at the end! Dean, I didn't understand _any_ of it!!”

“Okay buddy, okay. Take a breath there.” He patted his friend's shoulder. “Look, maybe _The Room_ is too rich for your blood right now. I guess there's a lot of layers involved in finding a movie like that funny. Maybe I should've started you out easier, with _Plan 9 from Outer Space_. Or _Showgirls_. We'll get ya there. But...” Dean sighed and ran his hand over his mouth. “I kinda had an ulterior motive in showing you this, man. I need your help.”

“My help?”

“Yeah, I... I need you to ask around, maybe get on Angel Radio, and find out what the deal is with Tommy Wiseau.”

“What do you mean, 'the deal'?”

“Ugh, stop with the finger quotes, dude. So uncool. Anyway, I need to know what kind of a creature Tommy is. Sam thinks he's D.B. Cooper, but I think that's bullshit. No way he's human. I asked Crowley about it back in the day, and he was positive we're not talking demon. But I mean, he's clearly some kind of supernatural being, probably immortal. I'm thinking minor deity, possibly gone mad with time. Can you _please_ just look into it? It's driving me _crazy_.”

Cas thought about Wiseau's craggy face, his unidentifiable accent, his bizarre comportment, and he nodded. _There's definitely a case there_ , he thought. “I'll see what I can do.”

**Author's Note:**

> Who, or _what_ , is Tommy Wiseau, really??? More on [the D.B. Cooper theory](https://www.xkcd.com/1400/), and [the tumblr post](http://wombatking.tumblr.com/post/174135975688/newtgeiszler-jesterofthetraveler-i-agree-john) that inspired the mad-god hypothesis.
> 
> Rebloggable post for this fic on tumblr is [here](https://blessyourhondahurley.tumblr.com/post/184202285056/april-15-movie-verabadler-supernatural).


End file.
